A Community Initiative in January - Part 2

On January 16, 2025, Unwritten Endings and Great Start Livingston Family Coalition hosted “Little One, Please Stop Crying. Oh Wait. That’s Me. – Parenting Through Mental Health,” a heartfelt workshop led by Texie Soltis, LMSW, CAADC.

Texie created a safe and supportive space for parents to reflect, connect, and grow while exploring a critical yet often-overlooked topic: how parents’ mental health directly impacts their children.

Emotional Co-Regulation & The A.C.T.I.O.N. Framework

One of the most impactful discussions focused on emotional co-regulation—the idea that children learn to manage emotions by observing their parents. When parents model healthy emotional regulation, they create a stable, secure environment where children feel safe expressing themselves.

To support this, Texie introduced the A.C.T.I.O.N. framework, a tool that helps parents regulate their emotions, navigate challenges thoughtfully, and strengthen their connection with their children:

A – Awareness of your emotions
C – Coping with stress in healthy ways
T – Tuning in to your child’s feelings and validating them
I – Investigating your reactions and beliefs
O – Offering repair and reconnecting after difficult moments
N – Navigating change with resilience

By practicing these steps, parents develop greater self-awareness and emotional resilience, helping them handle difficult moments with clarity and confidence.

The Role of Core Beliefs in Parenting

Lasting change requires more than managing emotions though—it involves exploring the core beliefs and assumptions that influence our parenting. Using an interactive exercise, Texie encouraged parents to reflect on what they want and don’t want for their children, helping them recognize how past experiences and societal messages shape their responses—sometimes in helpful ways and other times creating unintentional barriers.

Try It at Home: The “Want/Don’t Want” Activity

Even if you missed the event, you can still engage in the ‘Want/Don’t Want’ activity at home to reflect on your hopes, fears, and beliefs about parenting.

How It Works:

1️⃣ Draw a large circle on paper.
2️⃣ Inside the circle, write what you WANT for your child (e.g., confidence, kindness, resilience).
3️⃣ Outside the circle, write what you DON’T WANT (e.g., insecurity, fear of failure, self-doubt).
4️⃣ Choose one WANT and one DON’T WANT, then reflect on the beliefs driving them.

For example:

WANT: “I want my child to be confident.”
DON’T WANT: “I don’t want my child to feel inadequate.”

Ask yourself: What does confidence mean to me? Why does avoiding inadequacy matter? How do these beliefs influence my parenting choices?

Breaking the Cycle: Overcoming Limiting Beliefs in Parenting

As you reflect on your responses, consider how these hopes and fears may be connected to your own experiences and beliefs. Sometimes, the way we respond to our children is shaped by the messages we’ve internalized over time—whether from our own upbringing, societal expectations, or personal struggles.

For instance, if you were taught that success is the ultimate measure of worth, you may unknowingly put pressure on your child to achieve. If you’ve struggled with self-doubt, you might find yourself second-guessing your parenting choices, fearing you’re not doing enough. These patterns often stem from deep-seated beliefs we may not even realize we hold.

By identifying and challenging these limiting beliefs, parents can create a healthier emotional environment for both themselves and their children. Here are some ways to reframe these thoughts:

“A good parent always knows what to do.” → “Parenting is full of unknowns—it’s okay to learn as I go.”
“If I were a better parent, I wouldn’t lose my patience.” → “Parenting is challenging—acknowledging my emotions helps me respond, not just react.”
“My child’s behavior is a reflection of my parenting.” → “Children are their own people—my role is to guide, not control.”
“If I do everything right, my child won’t struggle.” → “Struggles are part of growth—my job is to support, not prevent every challenge.”

Final Thoughts

Parenting is a journey of learning and reflection—it’s about showing up with love and intention, growing alongside your child. As you navigate the ups and downs of parenting, give yourself the same grace and compassion that you strive to offer them. By learning to regulate emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and embrace change, parents not only support their child’s development but also cultivate their own resilience and confidence.

At the heart of it all is a simple truth:
When parents thrive, families grow stronger.